The lost glasses

I wear glasses. Not many of you know that because I also wear contact lenses. I only have the glasses as a back up to when I don't have contacts or if it's been a while and I'm just in the mood to wear them.

But then I lost my glasses.

I have two pairs. One is a wire frame, nothing fancy. The other are these black ones that are a little thicker and more noticeable. The black pair broke about 16 months ago and I neglected to fix them, so I just had the one pair. Then they disappeared and I was without vision.

I wondered for months where they had gone. Did somebody find them and adopt them as their own? I'm sure they named them. If I found something and kept it on my own I would name it. The weird thing about naming it is that you know it's not the same name that it already has. I mean when we got our dog Duke, we found out his name was Pal. That sucks. So if someone found my glasses and then went ahead and named them Bartholomew when everyone knows his name is Patrick... would anyone know the difference?

Ok but really the glasses probably just fell into an alternate dimension. Kind of like the Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe, but more like Lost in Space with a Looney Tunes twist. Some dude (or alien cartoon creature) found Patrick and renamed him and then showed his friends. Quickly thereafter a friend kidnapped Patrick and ran off to Vegas. So it would seem, but they were in love and wanted to elope.
Later, after 8 months (our time), 12 years (alternate universe time) the glasses and the friend of the alien cartoon creature dude have a falling out. It was over some argument over chili and whether or not it has one or two "L"s in it. Patrick was right, but we won't get into that here. Through the space time dimension travel device, Patrick managed to find himself in the glove box of my mom's Mustang. He was found this December as I was looking for a spare key.

The outcome of the story: I haven't worn contacts in two days because it's so nice to be able to wear glasses again.

The moral of the story: When faced with the decision to rename something from a different dimension than your own, consider the mental distress you are placing on said inanimate object from a different dimension. How would you liked to be named Bartholomew?

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