Gi**..... well you know.

I have been doing everything in my power to not say the G word that Quagmire says all the time in Family Guy. So hard. It's just so, so hard.

Day One: Wittling Down the Many

First of all, I'd like to congratulate Bill for printing out a list of the episodes for our browsing pleasure. It'll be a long one, but we will be able to break this monstrosity of 122 (including the Stewie Griffin movie, and Blue Harvest) episodes to 50.

We just sat and discussed most episodes. I will begin rewatching the episodes that need it. I'm pretty confident when I say that eliminating some of these episodes from contention is one of the hardest things i have done in recent memory. I can't wait to get started on this!


Traffic Cones

What's the fascination with stealing these? Every person I know has at one point stolen a traffic cone, and I am not exaggerating in the slightest.

And it's not just the cones; it's signs too. When my dad went to school, he stole a no parking sign strictly so he could park there!

I personally have a taste for random memorbilia. Banners from dated festivals, old posters with a "free" sign taped next to them, and christmas lights left by the way side.

My room (at school) is not the clean and organized room i prefer at home, it's the christmas lights strewn on the ceiling, the posters, the banners, the mismatched floor rugs, the purposely non-matching sheets, but ZERO traffic cones. That's because i'm a classy kind of guy. Who puts a friggin traffic cone up in their room? are you proud of that? what's wrong with you people.

Family Guy obsession has officially reached that level.

In the near future, you will be seeing the beginning of a cross-blog collaboration between myself and Bill over at Bill's Big Baseball Page The main idea here is that the two of us will (independently) be rating each of our favorite 50 or so episodes from Family Guy. There are currently 120 episodes, and as an obvious effort to save time and energy, we will not be able to rate all of the episodes, at least not for the purposes of this countdown.

After watching and rating, we will come up with our mathematical favorites in a top 10 style countdown. I personally will be breaking that up into a 5-part series, with clips and quotes from two episodes per post on this blog.

The very next thing you'll see about this will be our collaborative rating system, based on several criterion.

Keep you're eye out for more to come!


Lannan Bobble

The John Lannan Bobblehead came in the mail today; I can't wait to add that baby to my desk. I wouldn't say I "collect" bobbleheads, but I do enjoy the few that I have!


Try this out;

A double cheese burger and in between the slice of cheese and each pattie, slide in two or three jalapenos. It's friggin delicious.

A few pretzels, chopped up or ripped up and put on a plate, drizzle with nacho cheese, and place a bunch of jalapenos. eat with a fork.

A Hot dog bun, with about 5 french fries (fill the bun with as much mass as a hot dog) and then cover the fries with barbeque sauce.

Potato chips dipped in honey mustard. that's right, i said it.

dill pickle juice. just drink it.


Personal Ads

I was wondering what kind of person it would take for me to answer a personal ad. Then i realized they don't do personal ads with pictures. Then I realized I'm not nearly desperate enough (as of 6:15 pm on July 28, 2009) to answer a personal ad, no matter how un realistically and misleadingly attractive the person appears to be. Then I realized I've started three sentences in a row with "then I realized".

...Then I realized I should keep this going out of spite. Then I realized if the word "spite" is spelt correctly, I should join the spelling bee.

Screw it. I'm tired of trying to be funny.

Mail Slips

There are these little slips i get in the mail every so often that indicate i have to pick something up from the front desk at the post office. I can only describe the color of this slip as peach, but just so you can see it, here's a view.

Well nevermind, i can't seem to get this picture off my phone and on to my computer. Damn technology.

So anyway, mail slips.

These things are a pain in the ass. The Front Desk at the Post Office doesn't open until 9, which is when I usually appear at work. So I would have to hang around the Post Office for 20 minutes waiting for them to open their desk!

One positive thing about collecting mail is I have an excuse to be late everyday. If i wanted to, i could come in at 9:15 everyday.. So this coming Thursday I'm going to make a morning out of it; wake up early, grab breakfast at Dunkn' Donuts, go to the Post Office, get this mail slip taken care of, and be at the office by 9:20!

Eff you establishment!

The Commsioner

I'm surprised I haven't mentioned this gentleman before on this blog, but I figured now is as good a time as any.

Maybe it's because I'm no longer in Food Service, and therefore RARELY encounter this particular individual on a daily basis, or maybe it's because I've avoided him like the plague, but I hardly have the distinct 'honor' of speaking with him anymore.

Today was the exception.

I was trapped in the Ticket Office completing one of three reports and in walks in the commisioner of baseball (I call him that because I can't remember his actual name). He takes a seat next to me and asks to use the phone. This begins a unnecessarily long period of me explaining how to dial the number. He gets off the phone and says he has to wait a few moments.

I did everything i could to NOT start a conversation, and certainly refused to contribute to anything he has to say, but without me to interrupt him, he continued talking about baseball and his son and the orioles and his father (or grandfather, i can't remember at this point becuse i was trying not to gauge my eyes out to distract from the pain of hearing this man's life story for the TENTH TIME).

Needless to say (then why am i saying it?), he eventually requires some interaction or response from me to continue the story, I reply with as little information as possible, and off he goes...

He's left the office. But I still feel his nagging on the right side of my face. Honestly I'd rather continue my education at Parkside Middle School and hear the Teacher's condesending tone for hours on end instead of listening to this old bastard ramble like it's his job.

You may be asking me through your computer screen (I can't hear you, it doesn't work that way) if I'm being to harsh, "why, Paul, are you so mean to this person? What has he done to warrant this cruelty?" I, ever so politely, respond to you with a resounding, "STFU HE'S ANNOYING AND TRUST ME I'VE TRIED TO CARE BUT GOD HELP ME I DON'T GIVE A DAMN!"

Thank you for your time and please enjoy the rest of your day.


Who's your uncle Big shot?

Check out my Brother's blog here.

It's new, but I promise to you guys that I'll be referring to it from time to time. Knowing him, it should be a good read. I look forward to future posts!


Miles Fisher - This Must Be the Place

Bonus points if you can tell me who did the original version.

The Men's Room: A final Showdown

Part Three: The Sinks

Last we spoke, I discussed the different outcomes of a urinal selection.

Today, I would like to embark on a journey of washing your hands.

First off; if you don't do it, you're a sick bastard. You have to realize that there are times when it is absolutely necessary to take advantage of the tools given to you.

So after you finish your "business" at the trough, you make your way to the sinks. The first thing I look at, is the faucets. Sometimes you get lucky, as you did in here and there's a handicap sink. Sometimes they're a different style faucet. Like this one here. These are the faucets you're used to at home or in a kitchen.

However this is the BS we have to deal with in a public restroom. Not this that's would be too convenient. This shit is what they give us. Like we're not able to handle it.

So once you get passed the fact that you're given a less than stellar faucet, you have to deal with the soap dispenser. My personal favorite, that foam stuff you get. But sometimes (like at my elementary school) you would get the worst smelling soap EVER. You might have had it, it was kinda yellowish green and smelt like what prison soap would smell like. I hate that stuff.

And finally, you have the hand drying methods. All in favor of paper towels, say yay.


All for blow dryers?

Yea i didnt think so. Those things suck.

rubik's cube marathon

I'm going to be solving my rubik's cube today whenever i get bored, and keep a running tally on how many times i solve it.

Final Total:


Leaving the Office, putting down the cube.

Hope you enjoyed my first live update throughout a day!


Ideas for...

...a short film:

you know those annoying short films that college students put out for their finals or whatever?

the one's with one word names like rain or jumping?

Yea those things are gay.

How bout a short film about a snack pack of pudding. It's born in the factory, it's shipped to the store, it's purchased by the consumer, it's packed in a lunch box for a little kid's first day of school, he trades it for a bag of weed, and the pot head's eat the snack pack!

And then at the end of the film, everyone in the opening screening of the film get a snack pack!

How cool would that be?!


Erin Andrews

Not impressed!


Ideas for...

...a novel:

Fictional autobiography of milb player who never makes it to the bigs but becomes a manager in world series.

I'd read that shit.
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I think if I were to join the army, I'd wanna be one of those computer dorks. They always seem to survive to the end of the movie.
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Bakon: revisited

The bottle lay frosted in the freezer. I grasped it with one hand, my left, and removed it, placing it gently on the wooden counter. Fumbling with the plastic packaging on the rim, I wondered what was in store for me. Will it smell like heaven in a bottle?

I slowly removed the cap, remembering my first alcoholic beverage... A beer with family in an Irish pub years ago... It seems like only this morning; fresh in my mind. I sniff the air and visions of pork waft before me. My brother suggests chasers, I call him a "fag-ette" and quietly, "yea..."

The shots were poured and the sippy cups of our childhood were filled with cherry-limeade.





Very little burn, the taste of "liquid breakfast" in our bellies, a happy expression on our faces.

"Well that'll get me drunk," I say, "a few more of those and I'm gone."

'Bakon' vodka - a real man eats his meat and potatos in a shot glass.

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traffic lights

quick story from when i was a kid:

Everytime we stopped at a red light, my mom would "predict" when the light would change to green. Little did i know that she was counting down from when the opposite lights turned yellow.

So everytime we stopped she would tell us when to count down from 5. and everytime, she was right. I thought my mom was magic until i figured out her trick, but to this day i think about her everytime i hit a red light.

thanks mom!



So you know when you finish a game of solitaire, the cards start to fall down off the top like this?

Well whenever I finish i watch the cards fall in hopes that all of the little green spots and the black shadows fill up with white!

It's only happen a few times, generally they always end up like this:

These are the things that keep me up at night.



The bacon vodka arrived in the mail monday, news of it's quality is soon to come. Check out the bottle:


In the meantime, keep in mind i have a few posts coming that needed more attention. Three to be exact. Expect multiple posts tomorrow!

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Awesome Slideshow

Summer Fun away from the Pfitz

This past weekend, I got as far away from Pfitzner Stadium as possible. Yet I ended up in two ballparks, one that looked like the Dick Pfitz and one that shared the same team name.

The Harrisburg game was awesome, apart from the mayflies and the long drive, it was a great escape from home. I'll be headed back up in late July to see another game in these seats.
It's funny how these two teams are affiliated after being built in 1984 and 1987, and it took the Nats to bring them together in '05.


The next day, we headed over to Nats Park to see the Billy Joel / Elton John concert. After a Piano Fail, the show got rolling and it couldn't have been better. I really enjoyed seeing these two legends in person and would like to thank Bill again for the ticket. Thanks man.

Here's a few extra shots:


The Best Job in the Ballpark



Blog traffic

Or should this one be called traffic blogging?
We're currently on our way to see the Harrisburg Senators in Pennsylvania. Game time is 7:05 tonight, I hope we make it up there long before then!

Traffic has always been the bane of my existence. Anyone within 30 miles of DC shares that feeling with me I'm sure, as it's hard to anywhere in this area without hitting bumper to bumper traffic at sometime of the day.

Maybe it's the stop and go feeling, but I think it's the strong sense of being late or not accomplishing the feat of getting to where I need to be. I always get frustrated by it.

So to overcome this anxiety, I like tp play a game in my mind. Every car that's on the road is trying to move forward, so if I imagine the cars 4 miles ahead of me wanting desperately to move ahead, and the cars 4 miles ahead of them desperately trying to move forward, etc., the stress gets less intense.

We all want to get the fuck off this road.
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Speaking of ugly hats

Remember this post from a few weeks back? Now click on the title of today's article.

it seems the fashion cap phenomena has spread to origami. why on earth would someone buy a hat that looked like this? just by a regular yankees cap and let everyone think you're a douche in peace.



who said Digiorno was so damn good?

i like pizza hut, i like voccellis, hell i like roma's and they DON'T deliver. Fuck digiorno. Mama Celeste is way better.


Bugs the Shit Out of Me: Sliced Bread

Wheat Bread, toasted, with mayonnaise spread oh so thinly, topped with one slice of bologna. multiply by 2, add goldfish and a cherry pepsi, and you have a delicious meal.

But here's what really Bugs the Shit Out of Me, why are there 18 slices of bread in a loaf, but there are only 8 silces of bologna in a pack? did they not realize they would be off? I like those end pieces, so I utilize the full 18 slices, but why the frick would they miscalculate so that there is left over bread? is this some scheme to make me by two packs of bologna? but then i have too much! so i buy more bread, and then here we go again..

The perfect amount, in case you were wondering (shut up i know you were curious), is 8 packs a piece of each. So if i buy 8 packs of bread and 8 packs of bologna, i'll have the perfect amount for a sandwich.

that's horse-shit! i'm not gonna blow that much money on food! I guess I should invest in a jar of peanut butter and a jar of jelly and suck it up on that last two slices of bread.

Baseball Fan

I think i need to pick a team to follow as "my" team. I've never been a baseball fan, so much as a sport fan in general. I mean I'll call myself a Redskins/Capitals/Wizards Bullets fan before i'd call myself a nats fan.

I guess i'd be a POTOMAC fan before anything, whether they be known as the nationals, the cannons or the yankees/pirates back in the PW days. But i'd like to have some sort of affiliation with a major league club.

But then again, do i want to have that connection? is that one more thing i'd blow money on? or would it be worth the connection? i have all this "free time" i have during the summer where there are ZERO sports on apart from baseball.
current candidates are, followed by reasons:

Seattle Mariners

I've always liked the city of Seattle, ever since I was younger. It might have to do with my favorite movie, it might be because it's on the west coast, and it might be because I love rainy weather, but the connection is there. So why not be a Mariners fan? The Uniforms are classy and I love the fact that they play outside in safeco field.

Oakland Athletics

I have no connection with oakland, the consideration here is for the uniforms. I mean look at those stirrups... and the yellow sanies too!

Washington Nationals

the home team, do i really need an explanation??

Florida Marlins

No real reason here, new stadium coming soon ad well as a possible name change to the miami marlins. why not?

Chicago Cubs

And finally, the chi-cubs. very classy uniform, as well as the deep history of losing. no one could ever accuse me of being a bandwagon fan with any of these teams, especially the cubbies.

or i could become a women's basketball fan.

Yet again

I've missed a milestone. I'm up to 205 206 posts now, when i could have mentioned the 2 hundo mark a week ago. fail.

could care less

"I could care less about ____"
"I couldn't care less about ____"
"I could give two shits about ____"
"I don't give a shit about ____"

why are these interchangable???


Jigsaw puzzles

Does anyone do these on an occasion where they are not at the beach or on vacation on a rainy day, or when they are a lonely old woman? I don't think so.
First off, doing one by yourself puts you into a category that you do not want to be a part of. That being said, doing one by yourself is probably really difficult, what with the thought of being a loner nagging at your mind..
However doing one with a group of people is actually worse. Have you ever gotten along with the people your doing a puzzle with? They are never as "good" as you, and they always lose a piece and they DON'T SEE THAT THE RED PIECES MAKE UP THE BARN! DON'T YOU GET IT?!?

...sorry I... I don't know what came over me.

We all have our strategies. Mine is to work my way from the corners in, then hit the edges. If there's a lot of one color, I'll tackle that object (a barn) first.

Not that I solve jigsaw puzzles or anything... That would be TOTALLY lame...
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