Kidz Bop

Oh where to begin..

Well let's start with the beginning of the story, as most stories normally start that way.

Kidz Bop is this pretentious little album that comes out every so often. It includes many "Top 20" hits of the year and is sung by kids. The target market here is mostly teenage girls and probably some younger boys. They have songs like Miley Cyrus and in the past they had Sugar Ray and N*Sync. I'm sure you've seen the commercials, but if you'd really love to refresh your memory, click here for the youtube link. But I will not be held responsible for your bleeding ears.

They have to know they're a joke... right?

My first complaint, as I'm sure you've realized I have a few, is that they spell it "Kidz Bop". No, not "Kids Bop" but "Kidz Bop". Now the "Z" was hip in the 90's but come on. They've released like 20 albums at this point and they've carried that stupid trend with them the whole time. Why? I'm serious, why? Stop it. It's enough.

Then I heard this little beauty on one of the commercials. That's right, "Party Like A Rock Star" by Shop Boyz (Another z on the end... god damnit). You'd imagine that they would have to change the lyrics to these songs to make them slightly less inappropriate for people who can't even buy the cd's without parental consent. But this is where my creative juices started flowing.. What if Kidz Bop intentionally released songs that were way too inappropriate for an 11 year old.

Imagine: Kidz Bop Dirrrty
With such hits as Ludacris - What's Your Fantasy?

I wanna, li-li-li-lick you from yo' head to yo' toes
And I wanna, move from the bed down to the down to the to the flo'
Then I wanna, ahh ahh - you make it so good I don't wanna leave
But I gotta, kn-kn-kn-know what-what's your fan-ta-ta-sy

Don't forget Snoop and Dre's sensual duo, The Next Episode

Hold up, hey
for my ni**as who be actin' too bold
Take a, seat
Hope you ready for the next episode
HeyyyeyyyeEYEYyyyEYYYY....
.... smoke weed everyday!

Then there's the timeless classic, Limp Bizkit - Rollin'

One two three time zoom to the 6
Jonesin for you picks of the Limp Bizkit mix
So where the f*ck you at punk?
Shut the f*ck up
And back the f*ck up
Before we f*ck this track up

And last but not least, my personal favorite, F*ck the Police, by N.W.A.

I don't know if they fa*s or what
Search a ni**a down and grabbin his nuts
And on the other hand, without a gun they can't get none
But don't let it be a black and a white one
Cuz they slam ya down to the street top
Black police showin out for the white cop

All for the Low Low Price of $19.95!

Then I got to thinking, "which would be funnier, an attempt at censoring these lyrics, or the actual profane lyrics with no cesor?"

...yea the dirty lyrics are better.

Frequent Stops

Ok so driving around the other day and the car in front of me has a big sign on the back reading "Frequent Stops".

And that's it.

Now normally, I'd have no problem with it. But then I got to thinking, as I always do, and I wondered what his definition of "frequent" was. I mean for me to get to work from school, I make approximately 15 stops at intersections and for stray ducks. Is that "frequent"?

I followed this guy for about 10 miles, not in a creepy way, he just happened to be in front of me for 10 miles, and he stopped zero times. So why the sign? I feel like having a sign on your car saying "Frequent Stops" means you must stop frequently.

And here's another problem, why doesn't the car have a sign saying why it stops frequently? I've seen other cars that say "Frequent Stops - Mail Delivery" and "Frequent Stops - Construction", so why did this car not have an explanation? What was he hiding?

Sketchy son of a gun.

Tv guide channel

Speaking of the on screen guide that pretty much everyone has used..

I was flipping around literally the other minute (and I say literally because I don't mean to exaggerate, this event actually took place between 60 and 120 seconds ago), and I see that there's a tv guide channel.

Now I haven't actively used the tv guide channel since I was 12 and I wanted to see what was on the spice network. So I was a little interested to see that this guide channel still existed. And as you know, I have the on screen guide, and the screen had the little tv guide logo. But, the title said, "punk'd".

I hit info.

Now my mind was a blowin when I flip to the channel, but first I hit the "I'm curious" button.

I hit info, and I see: punk'd - julia stiles, the rock, kaley cuoco. Comedy.

I'm thinking, "ok, they made a typo or something." People are trying to find what's on the spice network, and some jokester down at comcast is messing with my head.

Curiosity gets the best of me, and I switch over to tv guide channel. Now as you all know, the screen is split in half on this channel. The top half shows some c-listers talking about their latest film while the boxes scroll up on the lower half of the screen.

They were playing punk'd on the top half.

Now remember how my mind was blown? Yea well seeing the rock being yelled at by a fireman while a building is burning down and the other half of the screen is slowly scrolling up and telling me shit that I already f**king know blew my god damn mind.

But then as I sat there watching this screen, I began to think. Why would the tv guide channel exist on my tv when I have the on screen guide? The house that i live in subscribes to digital cable, nothing fancy just the single step above the regular cable. We don't pay for extras or anything.

We have all this, and the cable company knows this. So why did they throw punk'd and tv guide at me? I have the tv guide by hitting up down left and right. I don't need a designated channel.

I hope your mind was at least partially blown by all of this.
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

You Don't Mess with the Titles

As most people in today's day and age have experienced, Cable television has on-screen guides to tell you what is playing. I, as i'm sure you have, spent blocks of time just scrolling up and seeing what's on Food Network and Skinamax while never having to change away from Law & Order or Judging Amy!

But as I was scrolling this past week, I stumbled upon this on the display screen:

STARZ - 10:00 - "You"

...What the f**k is that? You? So I clicked "info" to see what was actually playing and you'll never guess what it was.

"You" Don't Mess with the Zohan.

First off, I understand they can't fit the whole title in there. These cable companies probably charge by letter or something. You make adjustments to fit the budget, and that's respectable.

But "you"? Come on. Zohan could have easily done the trick, and you'd know exactly what they're talking about.

In which you read something about me reading stuff.

I've never considered myself a busy reader, but I tend to go through a pile of books in a few months. It's the case of I don't read often, but when I do, it's a pretty good chunk of the book. My problem is that I read and say to myself, "ok just a few more pages then I'm done." Then, "the chapter ends in only 10 pages? I can knock that out." So it keeps going.

Today, I'm filling you in on the six books I bought while in Seattle.

Damn.

Well let's do this chronologically. The top left one was bought in a little shop on the 2nd basement level of Pike Place Market. I walked in the store and was greeted politely by the shop owner, a 30 something metro sexual. I then asked him to pick one book out of the entire store for me to read on my flight home. He excitedly asked me questions about who and what I liked to read, and found In a Sunburned Country by Bill Bryson. I'll let you know how all of these go of course, but for now I'll admit I have not opened it.

The very next day, I took a tour of Pioneer Square. There, the tour guides were hocking this title at us. Sons of the Profits It was written by a man named Bill Speidel. He started the underground tours of Pioneer Square back in the 60's, and he wrote this book as a History book for Seattle Schools. Given that the subject matter for the book is the sketchy business leaders that started the dirtiest city in the Northwest, the Schools banned it within three years. It then became a best seller.

Next, on the way back from Pioneer Square, I stopped in a shop in Downtown and picked up their only remaining Chuck Palahniuk book, Invisible Monsters. I got this strictly because it's Palahniuk. I've read a few of his books, and the others I've heard are all really good. I'm only a few chapters into this one, so we'll see. So far it's great.

The next two, Fight Club and High Fidelity (by Chuck Palahniuk and Nick Hornsby respectively) I have already read, but they deserved a purchase. You see I borrowed the books when I read them the first time, but I never got around to picking up my own copy. I picked these up after eating Pad Thai in Fremont on Sunday. While looking for my final book...

...this little number. Lewis Carroll's Alice's Adventures in Wonderland & Through the Looking Glass. I gotta say, I've never read these. I had always heard great things, I even used Lewis Carroll's poem "The Walrus and the Carpenter" in a paper I wrote 2 years ago. To finally read this is pretty exciting. I put a hurting on it during my flight back and the wait in the airport before take off. I tried explaining it and I really couldn't. But I'll try. The book is good because it's like finally getting to eat dessert. You've heard about it, you've waited for it, and when it finally comes, and you sink your teeth into it, it's as good as they told you. Also, the style of the writing is great because it's almost childlike in it's straightforwardness. Yet at the same time, it's very metaphorical. Alice is interesting character that I never really gave any thought about before actually reading the stories. I'd check this one out if I were you.

Well that about covers it. I hope you've enjoyed reading about me reading.

A bunch of pictures -- might be tough to view on a slow computer.

And I will be taking these pictures down by the end of the day (1/15) because I need to free up some space. I don't want to have all these pictures uploaded and then just have them chilling in the archives. Get your fill now before it's too late!

Emerald City Tour 2010 - Day 4 Recap

It's been an awesome 4 days. Tomorrow I leave, but not until 10 pm.

One more left.

Today, I went to Lake Union for a tour of Lake Union and Lake Washington. Then, I headed over to Fremont for some last minute shopping (I have bought six books since I got here!) and some Pad Thai. Finally, I swung by Kerry Park for a view of the city.

Emerald City Tour 2010 - "You Don't Know Me" Sunrise

Emerald City Tour 2010 - Beginning Day 4

Check back for at least one more video and another slideshow tonight.

Emerald City Tour 2010 - Day 3 Recap

Headed to Pioneer Sq for the Underground and some good shopping / view of the city. Ate some delicious food and watched the Worlds Strongest Man at the bar.

Today I'm taking a cruise of the lakes and I'm headed to Kerry park for some breathtaking views of the city.

Just one

If I had to choose one picture of this trip so far, it'd be this one.

-Click to Enlarge-

slideshow coming soon of Day 3.

Bigtinypig's Blog - Day 2

Emerald City Tour 2010 - Day 2 Recap

January 8, 2010

Emerald City Tour 2010 - Day 1 Recap

There'll be one of these everyday. And these are BY NO MEANS all of the pictures, just a quick collection of a few.
Here's a show of what I did on January 7th 2010.

Here's the scoop:

Flew from BWI to Chicago OHare to Seattle/Tacoma from 4:00 am check in (Eastern Time) to 10:20 am arrival (Pacific Time, 1:20 pm ET). Rented a practically new car for a 21 year old arm and leg. Checked into the hotel before 11:30 and headed down to Pike Place Market by 1:00. There, I saw hundreds of shops and I know I missed some. I'll go back soon. I got a tip from a merchant in a book store that the Art Museum on Union and 1st was open for free on the first Thursday of every month. Bingo. Got to see originals by Michelangelo and Calder, some American guy with a unique medium. Went back to the hotel to shower and change to get ready for dinner atop the Space Needle. Came back here and realized I had been awake for 23.5 hours straight!

Woke up this morning and I feel refreshed and breakfast is being delivered to me as I type this.

Check back for a recap of today sometime this evening. Today is the Stadium Tours.

Room Service!

Holy Shit!

You can see the excitement.

I just started uploading it to Youtube so if it's not ready yet, give it a minute.

[Video taken down to be repaired. Stay tuned]



Ok, I figured it out. The resolution is too high, I fixed on the above video. We should be good from here on out.

"Seattle Diaries" Part I ..

But I like to call it the Emerald City Tour of 2010.

Waking up after a four-hour nap at 1:00 am this morning and driving to the airport to arrive in Gate D13 at 5:00 am in BWI was the beginning. I find myself typing this post while airborne somewhere between Chicago and Seattle headed west in a United Airlines Boeing 757. I anticipate landing sometime around 10:20 local time, so by the time you are having your lunch, I’ll be starting my day.

My total travel time today will be sometime around 5 hours in the air. By my watch it’s 7:00 am, I already set it back to Seattle time. Hopefully I won’t be experiencing any lag as I’m operating on only a few hours sleep.

Up on the docket for today is trying to check in to my hotel early I’m not optimistic. The only definite plans I have for today is a trip up the Space Needle for dinner at 8:00 tonight. I have planned to going to Pike Place today. This is the famous fish market you always see in movies and television with Seattle.

Here’s my Day 1 in the itinerary I prepared. Keep you’re eyes on the blog for more updates to come.


As an aside, I have “Glow” by Alien Ant Farm stuck in my head. Check it out.

How Movies Should Have Ended

Came across this video series on youtube the other day. Something to keep you held over before I start posting videos from my trip.

It's called "How Movies Should Have Ended" and it's well worth the 2 minutes or so per episode. If you have the free time, I suggest checking it out. My personal favorite was the Lord of the Rings video.

Tomorrow I fly out of here at 6:00 am. I'll keep my twitter going about where I am and what I'm up to, and keep your eyes peeled for a video or two while I'm gone. It takes me about a day to finish an edited video so at best they'll be two while I'm gone.

Anyway, check out the link above and have a good one.

Donut Expedition

First video, let me know what you think! Comments can be anonymous if you don't have a google ID.

A new year!

A few things to kick off the new decade.

I am so glad the oughts are over, because now we can refer to them as the oughts. How cool is that? What about the current decade, the teens? The Tens? I don't know man...

My resolution; pass all my classes the next two semesters. And since we know no one ever follows their resolutions, I also resolve to fail one class in the next two semesters. Somethings gotta give! But just for fun; I resolve to have a beer in three different time zones this year. That includes the East Coast, and I'll knock out the Pacific TZ when I head over there in a week. Just one more..

Is it just me or are you excited to see 2010 written down? Or even 1/1/10? That's exciting. It's been so long since there wasn't a zero as the second to last number in the year. That, and I'm excited to see the blog archives become a whole lot shorter because 2009 will collapse! How weird?

A year ago today I wrote about charades in this post. I think it's funny how similar my tone is from that original post, and yet I feel like a different person. That's what a year can do to someone I guess.

Quick note: I think I'm deffinitely (or is it definitely?) done following Gilbert Arenas on twitter. Here's his first string of posts.

Lovely.

Well that was fun while it lasted. Speaking of twitter, you can always follow me over there. My blog automatically updates on twitter when I write something here. That and I try to keep it interesting, like informing you when I hear a Janice Joplin song! If you do a search on my previous twitter updates, you'll find 6 posts with "bobby" and two with "Janice" in it. hilarious.

Final note for today: the post a day rule no longer applies.

...I know you're all so sad. Trust me, I am too. But I think I'm going to take away the rule and see how well I can handle it for a month. If I stay here and keep posting, it means this blog really grew on me and I like talking to you myself. I like letting you all listen to me talk to myself.

Have a safe drive home from wherever you are, and I'll see you all real soon.