Kidz Bop

Oh where to begin..

Well let's start with the beginning of the story, as most stories normally start that way.

Kidz Bop is this pretentious little album that comes out every so often. It includes many "Top 20" hits of the year and is sung by kids. The target market here is mostly teenage girls and probably some younger boys. They have songs like Miley Cyrus and in the past they had Sugar Ray and N*Sync. I'm sure you've seen the commercials, but if you'd really love to refresh your memory, click here for the youtube link. But I will not be held responsible for your bleeding ears.

They have to know they're a joke... right?

My first complaint, as I'm sure you've realized I have a few, is that they spell it "Kidz Bop". No, not "Kids Bop" but "Kidz Bop". Now the "Z" was hip in the 90's but come on. They've released like 20 albums at this point and they've carried that stupid trend with them the whole time. Why? I'm serious, why? Stop it. It's enough.

Then I heard this little beauty on one of the commercials. That's right, "Party Like A Rock Star" by Shop Boyz (Another z on the end... god damnit). You'd imagine that they would have to change the lyrics to these songs to make them slightly less inappropriate for people who can't even buy the cd's without parental consent. But this is where my creative juices started flowing.. What if Kidz Bop intentionally released songs that were way too inappropriate for an 11 year old.

Imagine: Kidz Bop Dirrrty
With such hits as Ludacris - What's Your Fantasy?

I wanna, li-li-li-lick you from yo' head to yo' toes
And I wanna, move from the bed down to the down to the to the flo'
Then I wanna, ahh ahh - you make it so good I don't wanna leave
But I gotta, kn-kn-kn-know what-what's your fan-ta-ta-sy
Don't forget Snoop and Dre's sensual duo, The Next Episode
Hold up, hey
for my ni**as who be actin' too bold
Take a, seat
Hope you ready for the next episode
.... smoke weed everyday!
Then there's the timeless classic, Limp Bizkit - Rollin'
One two three time zoom to the 6
Jonesin for you picks of the Limp Bizkit mix
So where the f*ck you at punk?
Shut the f*ck up
And back the f*ck up
Before we f*ck this track up
And last but not least, my personal favorite, F*ck the Police, by N.W.A.
I don't know if they fa*s or what
Search a ni**a down and grabbin his nuts
And on the other hand, without a gun they can't get none
But don't let it be a black and a white one
Cuz they slam ya down to the street top
Black police showin out for the white cop
All for the Low Low Price of $19.95!

Then I got to thinking, "which would be funnier, an attempt at censoring these lyrics, or the actual profane lyrics with no cesor?"

...yea the dirty lyrics are better.


Bill said...

top notch idea! My problem with this has always been, why not just buy your kids THE ACTUAL SONGS/ALBUM!! As an adult, I don't want an album "The Best of The Foo Fighters- as sung by the St Anthonys Choir". Why would I insult my kid that way??

bigtinypig said...

I agree! There's no productive reason to buy an album with poorly sung covers on them. Unless for humorous purchases.