Christmas Tree for the Toilet

Ok, this needs explaining.

Monday night, August and I decided that it was the perfect night to go buy a full sized christmas tree for our apartment. I say this hoping the reading audience understands that it is HIGHLY against the apartment rules to have a christmas tree, real or fake.

After our exams for the day, the two of us hop in my tiny ass VW golf and drive to my Mom's house. There, we clean out my car and grab a tree stand and some lights. We high tail it to Home Depot (realizing halfway that we forgot gloves, sappy fingers ensued) to buy our $31.46 tree. We get back to our complex at around 8. It's still a little too early to bring it to our place because we know if we're seen, we'll be reported.

1:30 am rolls around, and we know that the time is now. Grabbing my comforter from the bed on the way, we head down to my car in the parking lot. The car interior is COVERED in needles, and it smells fantastic. I'll take that sacrifice any day. Throwing the blanket on to the tree, we carry this thing like secret agents to the edge of the lot using the cover of an SUV from oncoming traffic. And, as there appears to be no one in sight, we book it.

"Go, go go go!!"
The sight of the two of us running across a street with (what looks like) a giant red body bag to our apartment, then getting stuck between the 2nd and 3rd floors (both of us out of breath from running) was something we won't soon forget.

-I think the lights make it work-

So you may ask, where does the "Toilet" come into the story, as I so referenced in the title of today's post.

Today, our RA came to do a surprise inspection. Damnit. Due to some silly rule about "fire hazards" (whatever that is), we now have to get rid of the tree. August and I took a vote, and we decided the best course of action is to sneak the tree into the neighboring academic building, and put in the women's room stall.

-Vandals unite!-

Unfortunately, this didn't happen. It was a plan, and I wrote this post in the morning when we formulated the plan, but after taking two exams and playing video games, we didn't much feel like doing anything. So, our grand solution, was to throw the tree off of our third story balcony and affix a polite reminder of the christmas tree policy for all to see.

-...and that's how the RA ruined Christmas boys and girls-

I know it's her job but if were an RA, I would take a bribe. Maybe that's why I'm not an RA.

1 comment:

Bill said...

Best Christmas story ever, except for the sad ending. Laughing my ass over here.