Music Monday Vol. 4 - Phoenix, "Consolation Prizes"

Well it's Monday, and that means I get to shove my opinions in your face.

This time around it's Phoenix, "Consolation Prizes". Now most of you would know Phoenix, if at all, from this commercial. That's their song "1901". Another great song by Phoenix, but it's lost its flair now that Cadillac played the shit out of that commercial.

However, this next one really is worth the listen. Sticking to the theme of "good video = good song" from the past few weeks; Phoenix's best video (that I know of) is below.

Click the image to continue (Youtube video)

Not bad huh? This is one of those songs that I'll beat the crap out of my dashboard while listening to in the car.

Other good songs by Phoenix:

Sometimes in the Fall

North

Napoleon Says

Lisztomania

Lasso

Really, it's hard not to recommend just going out and purchasing two of their albums. "It's Never Been Like That", and "Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix" are just fantastic.

See you tomorrow with more goodies.

Film Friday: Joe Versus the Volcano

If there's ever a movie that doesn't get the credit that it deserves, it's this one.

Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan Co-Star in their FIRST role together (before Sleepless in Seattle and You've Got Mail). With director John Patrick Shanley, who has done absolutely nothing of mention, this film uses imagery and metaphor to illustrate a man struggling to escape a boring routine of a life.

The first quarter of the movie illustrates the antagonist Joe Banks (Hanks), in his dead end job at a factory. The incandescent lights have flooded his windowless office with bright, lifeless, humming luminescence. He's battled this by bringing in his very own lamp that his boss quickly removes the lamp. This is one of many images of losing one's soul throughout the movie.

One great thing about this film, that I think has been killed by directors in recent years, is one actor playing several roles. Meg Ryan plays the office maiden DeDe (below), Angelica Graynamore (the "flibbertigibbet"), and her half-sister and captain Patricia Graynamore (pictured in the lei below). Each of Ryan's three characters play a distinctive role and different personality to Joe's situation. It's not as campy as the description suggests, and it's just a little extra time to look at the attractive Meg Ryan, before she went under the knife in the late nineties.

Once Joe Banks and Patricia Graynamore head to the island (I won't ruin the plot for you) the visual quality of the movie goes from the above still, to the following two. It really is a noticeable change, and another use of imagery to develop Banks as a character.

Kinda looks like Hanks in Castaway.... No?

I'll leave you with one more still of the film, this one from the Island Chief, and a word. If you've ever felt like your life was "under a cloud" and that there was no where to go but up, then you would enjoy this movie. I know I'm a Tom Hanks enthusiast, and that shouldn't sway your opinion. Truthfully, I wouldn't have heard of this movie without liking Hanks as much as I do, but had I seen it without liking Hanks... Well it would still be one of my top 15 movies.

Abe Vigoda in his best make-up ever.

I give it 4 and a half Desk Lamps, out of 5.

Thursday Throwbacks - Vol. 1

Something different, since I'm not prepared to write a "Thoughts of the Day" post.

I wanted to pay omage to my 2009 post a day by throwing back to a particular post that I found enjoyable in some way. Today, I want to look at a three part series from June and July.

The Men's Room.

Here are the links; Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3.

I really liked writing this because it was something that I could have fun with. If you haven't read it, go ahead and take a look.

What's funny about this series is that I remember writing them all on extremely slow days at work. Often during the summer months I'll have a day where no calls came in to the office and no one walked up to the ticket window. It was those days (and rain days) that I had nothing to occupy me but the blog.

I really look forward to this summer for more of the same. My creative juices got flowing last year and my post quality went up because of it.

Well tomorrow's another day, so check back around gametime (7:03 pm) for another addtion of Film Friday.

Bugs the Shit out of Me: Not Understanding Star Trek

You know what brings my piss to a boil? When I'm having a conversation with some friends, and they make a Star Trek reference.

First; I have to defend myself and my friends. No, we don't talk about Star Trek on anything close to a daily basis. I can count on two hands the amount of times the following has happening to me, so it's not as common occurrence as you may think.

We'll be talking about something and then out of no where I'll someone name-drop Captain Kirk. Who the fuck is Captain Kirk? What is a Spock? And where the hell is Klingon?

This really does bug me, but at the same time, I don't want to understand Star Trek. I feel I've claimed a higher level of coolness for not knowing which is the superior officer, Picard or Kirk.

And wasn't Shatner in this show? Dammit Rocket Man!

Music Monday Vol. 3 - Of Montreal, "Id Engager"

With my first installment of Music Monday, I focused on the videos of OK Go. With today's entry (which is two days late, but I'm going to make it up anyway), we have a similar story.

Sophomore year of college, I got into the habit of turning on MTV U (the only MTV channel that plays more music than anything else) and leaving it on as my "radio" while I do homework or browse facebook and ESPN. Sometime during the year, this video came up;

That's Of Montreal's "Id Engager". Not bad if I do say so myself.

I haven't yet looked into a lot of their music, but the three songs I do know are pretty solid. A little weirder than most of the music that I enjoy, but still a good tune to nod your head to.

Paul's Weird Collections: Pennants!

Well, when I finally leave this world, no one can say that I didn't spend some time collecting junk. I'm going to begin posting my weird collections on a somewhat regular basis, and I thought today was as good as any to start.

So, with day one; pennants! Below is my first set.



Now, in this picture, we have quite a bit to talk about. Starting from the top row of vertical pennants, we have two that I have absolutely no interest in. While purchasing a pennant on eBay, these two came with it. The far left is the 1998 NHL All-Star Game in Vancouver, and on it's immediate right is the Gretzky era LA Kings. Next we have the Washington Federals (of USFL fame). We're then followed by the Washington Capitals (ick on the color scheme) and the Washington Bullets (damn that's sexy). The bottom right of the photo features the Norfolk Tides, Richmond Braves, Alexandria Dukes, Washington Nationals (2005), and the Potomac Cannons (approx 2003). Then the far right of the frame, you'll see the 2008 Potomac Nationals, 2007 Potomac Nationals, Washington Nationals (1901-1961), and the Washington Senators (1961-1972).


Next, we have an assortment of Redskins pennants, from top left down; 1991 NFC Champions, 1987 Super Bowl match-up, 1987 NFC Championship, 1982 NFC Champions (dig the curved feathers under the helmet), the 1937-86 50 year anniversary (sponsored by Shell). The right side has four more; the standard helmet, but this one has a Happy First Birthday inscription on the back from my dad (1990). Below we have, 1991 NFC Championship, 1991 Super Bowl Championship, and 1991 Super Bowl Championship.


This next one's a little more fun. On top we have three standard redskins helmet, but the bottom 6 are my favorites in the whole batch. We have (from the left) the Yellow Shell "R" helmet, the indian head logo from the 30's, another really old one with a running man image, and on the bottom right of the picture, three of the same pennant. the 1982 Super Bowl Championship pennant. Again, love the curved feathers!


This one is the weirdest, now. Can anyone tell me why they made an 1983 AFC Championship pennant for a team that LOST the AFC Championship to the Oakland Raiders?

Thoughts of the Day 5/6

If I had a superpower, it would be to absorb knowledge like Osmosis. With that power, I can kill exams and papers. Oh and flying.

There are three kinds of people in this world; People who like blueberry pop-tarts with frosting, people who don't like blueberry pop-tarts with frosting, and people who don't give a shit. I fall under the first category.

So many moments in my life are spent wishing I was doing something else, i.e., sleeping, eating, reading, or enjoying a sporting event. But there are just as many moments in my life that I spend wishing I was a wizard. Or a superhero.

If someone had a gun to my head and told me that I had to leave the country, and that I had to pick a country to go to, I would pick Australia. But then when the guy takes the gun away from my head I'd go to Canada, because no one would ever look for me in Canada.

Here's a quick math problem for you;
8 tarp pulls in 14 games = 57.14%
70 games = 39.99 tarp pulls.
I like those odds. But the nerd in me wants to run a weighted average using the data from last year to back me up. There are more tarp pulls (statistically) in May then in any other month, then June, April, July, August, and September.

Bill and I have tossed around the idea of a podcast on our blogs. We would talk about TV, Sports, Music, and Movies. We just need an idea for a name, and what day of the week we'll do it. Ideas?

Bugs the Shit out of Me: Facebook Nicknames

Know what really bugs the shit out of me? When people on facebook think it's awesome to have stupid ass nicknames. No, you're not "fresh" or "ballin'". No, you aren't original and I can safely say that no one calls you that.

My solution: hide those people from my news feed. Repeat offenders get deleted all together.

Single Riders Line

Let me ask you a question, have you ever gone through the singles rider's line at an amusement park? I love that thing. You get to have fun and you're not sitting in line for hours.

So why can't there be more of these in life?

..Have you ever been in the mood to go out to eat, but don't have anyone to go to?

Are there any nights that you want to go to the movies, but you don't have a date, or just a friend in town to meet you?

Have no fear, Single-Riders Line is here!

Now you can go to that fancy restaurant and sit at a big table with complete strangers instead of a bad date!

Instead of bowling alone, you can show up and head to the single riders section and bowl!

Yea.. Maybe there would be too many creepy people.
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Music Monday Vol. 2 - Spoon

This time, I focus more on the artist that started it all, rather than the song.

But first... a story.

It was fall of 2007, and I was visiting a special someone in Richmond. We went to Short Pump Mall and as she was in the changing room at American Eagle, I sat (yea there were chairs at the time) and watched the TV playing music videos. On comes this video and it was one of those songs I couldn't get out of my head.

Now, normally I wouldn't recommend ANYTHING from American Eagle for the strict reason that it was from American Eagle. But I make an exception for this group.

Spoon has been around for sometime now. Spanning from 1996 to now, the indie-rock group from Austin, Texas has released seven albums (the previously mentioned "The Underdog" is from the 2007 album entitled, Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga) and numerous EP's and Singles.

I've written in the past how music tends to create memories and stick to certain events in my life. Which is true, but for some reason, this group doesn't evoke memories of a past relationship. Luckily, I wouldn't say the above story "ruins" the song or anything for me, on the contrary, I remember the song and the fact that I was sitting in an American Eagle more than that day or the person I was with.

So, for your listening pleasure, I give you Spoon.

Joan Polk Harrington

February 17, 1930 - April 19, 2010

I love you and I miss you.
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Saturday and another news.

Uncle Slam and his adoring Fans.

As you may have been able to tell, this week has been crazy. I'm taking this opportunity to put up a quick post to remind you of things to come. Tomorrow is the last game of the homestand, so that means no more posts after tomorrow until the 3rd of May. Also, since tomorrow is Sunday, I'm supposed to have YOU readers out there pick what I write about. Well, I'm not ashamed to say it, I've had Zero suggestions. I'm gonna go ahead and scrap that feature and just write what ever I desire.

Your loss!

I haven't been updating the tarp count as it happens, but rest assured it will always be up-to-date by the end of the week.

And finally, another little news item, I will be working with Bill to get the Family Guy rating posted on the sites in the future.

Well have a good weekend, and take care.

Film Friday: Saving Private Ryan

Ahh.. Why do I love this movie? Let me count the ways..

For those of you who haven't seen this, where have you been? It came out over 10 years ago. You've had your chance.

Let's start from the beginning. Stephen Spielberg directing and Tom Hanks starring, along with several solid performances by the supporting cast. Tom steals the show, and thankfully, if this movie was about Matt Damon, I think it would have blew.

Going back to what I said about the supporting cast; Tom Sizemore, Adam Goldberg, Giovanni Ribisi and (surprisingly) Vin Diesel all add to the story, and their characters are relate-able if not identifiable in some way to the viewer. It's nice when the main characters are great, but when the supporting cast brings you into the story like these guys did, it makes the experience better.

And the gore.. Oh the gore.. If there is a better opening sequence to open a film than storming the beach of Normandy, I don't wanna see it. That opening kicked ass.

Unfortunately my only complaint is Matt Damon. I normally like him, but in this role he comes off as a bitch. This platoon of men led by Tom Hanks' character, Miller, are sent to pick up Private James Ryan (Damon) whose brothers have all perished in the war. On the way to rescue Ryan, two of Miller's men have fallen. Yet when Miller and his men reach Ryan, Ryan wants to stay. He says that "these are my brothers" (referencing his platoon members) and refuses to leave.

If Ryan hadn't been such a dick and let Miller take him home, Miller wouldn't have died on the bridge because of some dumb fucking German.

Anyway, it's a great film. You should check it out if you haven't seen it, but I'm sure you have. It's really a great story and the visuals are fantastic by today's standards, and this was filmed in the late 90's.

See you tomorrow.

Thoughts of the Day: 4/22

Is there a better (or worse, depending on how you look at it) song to get stuck in your head than "Highway to the Danger Zone"? I don't think so. ..Sorry about getting that stuck in your head by the way.

I don't know what's worse, drinking coffee with the wrong mixture of cream and sugar, or not drinking coffee at all. I know it may sound like I'm a coffee addict (what with my body hating me at 3:00 pm) but I'm really not. I just like the feeling of being awake in the morning more than the feeling of death.

Why does my left contact always pop loose.. {rubs left eye} I'm gonna start calling my left eye "Lisa Left-Eye".

Does anyone else out there like Ben Folds as I do? I've been on a big Ben Folds kick since last summer and I've had his songs playing on shuffle all week.

How many times do you think everyone in existence has said the phrase "That's what she said"? It's probably a hell of a lot. I bet the first time someone said it, it was probably not a joke. But the first time it was meant as a joke was probably hilarious.



Well that's all for today.

Bugs the Shit out of Me: 3:30 in the afternoon.

You've seen the commercials for "5-Hour Energy" regarding the afternoon crash for people right? Well you know that feeling when you just get extremely exhausted at around 3-4:30?

I f**king hate that feeling.

Today, I left work around 3:15 refreshed and ready to go, and by the time I was on the road and headed to class, I was dead tired.

Why the hell does my body say, "Hey Paul, F**K YOU!" at 3:00 pm? That's Bull Shit. I work hard to keep my body happy and take naps whenever I can, I eat good food, and I get a good work out. So why do I get punished by Mr. Sleepy time every weekday afternoon?

So you know what I say to that? Coffee. Yea that's right Body, I'm gonna drown you with legal addictive stimulants until you wake the f**k up. I'm tired of your needy shit and I'm gonna do what I wanna do.

God dammit body. You're an asshole. You bitch and moan until I do what you want me to do, and then when I do it, it's not good enough.

Bring on the caffeine. Whore.

My Own Personal Hell

I've realized, after much thought, what my own personal Hell would be like (if there is in fact an afterlife).

First, I'll die. I mean, we all do. It's just a question of "How" and "When". But when I do, I'll wake up, in a car. Not just any car, but a car with no working Radio, or Air Conditioning, and a bad smell of burning rubber.

As I awake in this car, I'll look around to understand what's going on. I'll see in the car with me a nondescript overweight man. He'll be wearing a hooded sweatshirt, even though it's well over 90 degrees, and sweating profusely. I look further and realize I am in a small cramped hatchback in bumper to bumper traffic. It's at this time that I think, maybe I am in purgatory. I am no where and yet I am somewhere at the same time. This road must lead somewhere, most likely my final destination of either Heaven or Hell.

The nondescript man begins to talk, and his voice has an accent I've heard before. A southern accent, with long drawing sentences instead of one word responses to my queries. A simple question of, "Where are we?" will lead to a 12 minute response with unnecessary back stories and "funny" stories, only all of his stories will have no meaning and have no semblance of a punchline.

I glance behind to see if there are anymore occupants in this cramped hatchback, but no one is there. Just a stained and empty back seat. There is a styrofoam cup of water in the cupholder next to me. I take a swig and finish the last amount of ice cold liquid to satisfy my thirst. Then, after downing the cup and tossing it out the window, I have the feeling of "Nature's Call." The doors are locked and there is no way to relive myself. Any desperate attempts to "go" are met with the feeling that it is not possible to do so.

As I am moving inch by inch on a sun parched highway, I cannot see the cause of the traffic jam in the distance. I can only guess, but I will never know the real answer. I tell myself to take the next exit, only no exit will come. All the while, in the back of my mind, a nagging feeling of, "I'm almost there" and "This has to lead somewhere" will keep me driving.

This scenario will play on for all eternity until the end of time.

That, my friends, is my own personal Hell.

Well there's a game tonight, which means it's time to post!

"Here it Goes Again" by OK Go

You've probably seen the music video, it erupted The Internets a few years back, but in case you missed it;



Not only is the video great, but the song is pretty darn good too. Sweet guitar with an even better drum line throughout the song. I'm not music analyst but this is definitely something I can bob my head to.

Now what you may not know is that this group, OK Go, has so much more to offer than one song. There are several things by them that I really like, and (you guessed it) each one has a solid video to go along with it.

And the songs they have that I haven't seen videos for are just as good. Like "All is Not Lost", "Needing / Getting" and "Don't Ask Me".

So check OK Go out. They really deserve a look beyond the occasional chuckle at a music video.

For day 4, something different.

First, as a reminder, I will only be posting on DAYS WHEN I HAVE A GAME. 70 Games, 70 Posts. And to help you keep track, I've posted the schedule on the side, as well as a link to my twitter here. If there's a post, you'll here about it there.

But I wanted to take this late evening post opportunity to remind you of what I promised this past Thursday.

No, it's nothing about work. It's not always about me don't you know.

This time, I wanted to tell you what features will be coming your way!

Here's the lineup:

Monday - Music Monday
I know it's unoriginal, but you don't know MY perspective! I'll be featuring one song a day and telling you the importance or relevance of it.

Tuesday - No features
sorry!

Wednesday - Bugs the Shit out of Me.
You know what this is, and I'm making it a staple. For reminders, look here and here.

Thursday - Thursday's Thoughts of the Day.
This was an easy choice. One, because I'll have absolutely NOTHING to do at work on Thursdays, and it's always slow. And two, because you guys MUST know what i'm thinking... right?

Friday - Film Friday
Pretty self explanatory, I review a recent movie I've seen, or an old favorite. But I will certainly be throwing some in this summer that you most likely haven't seen for some time or never even heard of.

Saturday - No feature
Saturday is too busy for me at work, so I'll most likely make Saturday a quick thing or write something "good" in advance. Sorry!

Sunday - You pick.
I'm hoping this works out... I'll be asking (daily) for your submission of what I should write about. Could be anything at all. Seriously, anything. I'll write it.
We'll see if it actually happens, hopefully it does. Send your stuff in the comments section or a facebook message (for you non-bloggers) and I'd be happy to oblige your interest.

Well that's all folks.

See you on the 19th of April.

Day 3 and I already messed it up!

Well that didn't last long. Let's try this again...

Saturday was pretty eventful, so let me give you the run down and maybe you'll understand why I missed the blog.

Woke up at 7:30 and made my way to the stadium by 8:00 am. There, I called to confirm that one of my employees, Matt, would be there at 8:45 to be the mascot for our upcoming day. Then, I collected the directions and phone numbers of all of the places I was going that day.

By 8:50, we were on the road. Uncle Slam in a bag in my trunk and Matt beside me, headed to Nokesville. There, I met Danny Kopich (Events Coordinator for Nokesville Little League) and as Uncle Slam danced around and met with kids, I spoke to him and his wife about a fundraiser for the league, or a group outing with him and his team.

By 10:40, we were back on the road to Dumfries. We stopped and ate lunch around 11:15, then headed to a little ballpark off 234 to meet with Javier Castro and the Dumfries-Triangle-Quantico Little League at 12:30. Here, I just followed Uncle Slam around while he messed with kids and played on the see-saw.

They thought he was Poppa-Smurf

By 1:30, we were on the road again, this time to Gar-Field High School for the 15th annual News & Messenger Hoops Fest. Uncle Slam had fun and judged the Dunk Contest for a while and I watched the different events from the stands and snapped some pictures.

We left at the end (4:00) and headed to the stadium where Matt would be the mascot for the night. I spend the beginning of the night counting money with Andrew and helping distribute the money drawers for some of the stands (he did most of the work, naturally). Then I spent the evening peddling the Uncle Slam's Kids Club to a host of children and their parents.

At least I wasn't in the suit..

From there, I sold two Kids Club Memberships, helped with on-field stuff, counted a lot of money, and performed regular tom-foolery at the Pfitz.

Then, a miracle happened.

Jim, the Director of Food Service, is a great guy. But, he's not one to give away food for fun. And certainly not beer. As a running joke in the Money Room (the place where profit is counted at the end of the night, and where this picture was taken), we ask Jim to bring us beers. The general response, without a hesitation, is; "What the fuck did you just say to me?" Followed by a smile of course. But, when reminded that I, his employee for a year, intern for another, and friend for two more, had just turned 21 this off-season, he smiled and left the room. Moments later, I was greeted with a tall cool beverage in a 22 oz Pepsi Cup. Because that's how we do it.

..of course, though, it was a Natty Light.

Tarp Sheet

As the devoted readers of this site can tell you, we have a bit of a thing called "tarp" at the P-Nats Stadium.

Well with a new season, we have already begun the tarp madness..

Being a minor league front office staffer, everyone on staff and myself are the "field crew" that runs out onto the field while it's raining to cover up the infield with a giant blanket. It's not fun. It is actually really un-fun.

It takes a lot of help to get that thing on the field.

So, all things considered, it's a lot to deal with. That is why I've had a "tarp count" on the side panel of this blog since I started posting in early 2009. This year I'm going further into detail and posting not only the total for the year, but also the time of the pull, date, if it was during a game, on a game day, if it was a rain out, how "bad" it was, and whether or not I was present (i miss some due to class).

I'll keep you updated on the totals (tab on the side) but the details will be kept in a spreadsheet. I'll post THAT sucker at the end of the season.

New year, new ridiculous goal..

Opening day! Spring! Summer! Warm weather and cold drinks.

Oh and a blog too.

It's the start of the 2010 Potomac Nationals schedule, and that feels like the perfect time to start another blog trend.

Last year, I had a blog post for every day in the year. This time around, I'm imposing a few changes. No more breathing room, and I'll have some feature posts coinciding for days of the week.

Breathing room, as I mean it, was those times last year when I'd have no posts for three days, then six posts in one day. No more. From here on out it is a post for a day, and I have 24 hours to do it.

And the features are still TBD. I have some ideas but I don't want to speculate at this time.

Well we shall see how well this works. Expect content tomorrow.
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

What Women Want

First off, no this isn't a review of the smash hit starring "Braveheart" and "She wasn't that ugly in Twister". No, no today I'll be talking about something I'm sure some guys out there agree with me on.

To preface, my bookmarks for Firefox show up right below the address bar on my browser, and the first icon I see is Yahoo!. Reading Yahoo!, I have to expect shitty writing from sports, music, movies, and just reporting on events, but you HAVE to know the "opinion" articles are going to be really bad.

Case in point, this little ditty here.

Right off the bat, the title is: Top 15 Dating mistakes Guys Make ...so you know it's gonna be something good. And it's written by some pseudonymous woman (or effeminate male) under the name 'stylecaster'.

..sigh.

Let's go through their list shall we?

1. Overly possessive
Ok so I'm not saying that I'm possessive, or that any guy by normal standards is possessive. I think the problem with this woman's statement is that there are at least two different perceptions of "possessive" in play here. For a woman, I can see it as a guy being too quick to jump the relationship forward to "committed" or borderline in love. But the other side of that is, why would a guy be driven to be possessive? Does he have a past history with chicks being snatched up by other guys, or has his past lovers run off with a dentist or something? Does his current lady have a history of leaving relationships because of other men? The real issue here is does the guy have REASON to be possessive.
Dismiss this "mistake" and move on.

2. Gross living space
Yea ok show me a girl who lives in an apartment with other people (no one lives on their own in the real world, and if they do, they have a cleaning lady.... rich mother fuckers) and I'll show you a "gross living space". I have seen some bathrooms exclusively for girls in an apartment and they are WORSE than the hell hole that is currently situated about 15 feet to my left. Dismissed.

3. Acting like a tough guy
Guys are pretending to be "harder" than they really are just to impress a girl? She says, "...why do some guys start stupid, unnecessary scuffles?" and it makes me wonder if she thinks she's dating Tyler Durden or something. Maybe I don't get out enough but if there's a fight, there's a reason for it. Dismissed.

4. Acting differently around your friends
The only thing I have to contribute here is that if a guy likes you, he's gonna show just an ounce of emotion more than what he normally shows. When a guy is with his friends, it's immediately a different scenario. Sure I could say there's testosterone around (which there is) but It's not even that! If I wanna play video games, tell racist jokes and drink beer on a Friday night with my friends, then that's what I'll do. I'm not gonna talk to you or make you feel welcome because of that. Grudgingly accepted.

5. Saying they'll do XYZ with no follow through
We gotta say something for you to take your pants off! Am I right or am I right?
But in all seriousness, she talks about a cell phone or something, I wasn't paying attention, but if we wanted to call you, we would. And if we wanted you to know that we had no intention of calling you, do you think we would tell you? Dismissed.

6. Flirting with/checking out other women
Well maybe you should hit the gym. Dismissed.

7. Baby talk in bed
In my past experience, girls DO want a little baby talk here and there. and the venue doesnt matter. So unless we're doing the no pants dance, I would see no reason to avoid baby talk. Grudgingly Accepted

8. Expecting her to act like your mother
Then you better not expect us to "protect you" or "keep you safe".
We want you to "make me a damn sandwich" because you want us to be there for you when you're scared. And besides, who let you out of the kitchen long enough to write this shitty Yahoo! article? Quickly Dismissed.

9. Letting your friends dictate your life
Ok I agree you shouldn't let you're friends dictate your life, but practice what you preach! I was dumped because the girls friends didn't like me. So, like you said, discuss your relationship with your significant other. Agreed, but with an exception.

10. Threatened by her job
What job? I'll give you a job to do. Dismissed.

..that was terrible.
11. Hypocritical standards
See #9. Dismissed.

12. Not having your own life away from her
It's starting to sound like she ran out of ideas. I already covered this one, practice what you preach. See #9. Dismissed.

13. Bringing up previous relationships
I won't argue it. agreed

14. Treating others poorly
How is this a dating mistake? I was definitely right, she ran out of ideas here. Obviously it's a "red flag" if he treats people badly, but don't you think you should realize that before you're dating? You're an idiot.

15. Inflated ego
I'm just gonna go ahead and agree here too, but at the same I don't to, strictly because of that "overcompensating for something" remark she makes at the end. No decision.

Well all in all, that's what I get for reading fuckin Yahoo! articles.

Bucket List

A few things I need to do before I die:

Watch 12 hours of the complete Star Wars series, and stop. (total run time is about 13:22:00).

Read any part of the bible while attending an Ozzy Concert.

Wear this shirt while attending a church mass.

Design my own professional sports team's uniforms.

Tell a Mountie, "I smell Canadian Bacon!"

Give the finger to the Pope, because he's the pope. And it'd be hilarious.

Ride an elephant while screaming at the top of my lungs, "Hemingway was overrated!"

Take a shit in the woods while wearing a bear suit.

Eat a cat.

Climb a mountain, have a beer, then hang glide down to the ground.

Get my name on an election ticket with no real intention of winning.

Invent something and sell it on late night TV infomercials hosted by a Billy Mays impersonator.

Punch a Yankee in the face. Or a Cowboy.

Go round for round with my dad in a drinking contest, losing miraculously as he pounds an Irish Car bomb. I don't every want to beat him in drinking.

That's right, I said eat a cat.

Meet the Devil himself, and say, "Hey I guess you are real. Well when I go down there for eternity, will you save me a single bedroom apartment? I couldn't stand shacking up with Ashton Kutcher."

Shake Jim Henson's hand. Nevermind.

Own a Bob Ross original painting.

and finally; write a book.

Music Monday

I've always considered myself a connoisseur of music, a renaissance man if you will. For me, there's not a genre I haven't enjoyed at some point in my life (Yes, Country and Polka music included). But there are always the tracks that slip through cracks.

I've collected a few songs below that I feel have missed my generation. I'll let you listen to it, then give my two cents below. And if you're at work or in a place where you can't listen to music, I would probably use headphones. Not because of noise disturbing your co-workers or library patrons, but because most of these songs suck.

Electric Light Orchestra - "Mr. Blue Sky"

I came across this one a while back, I don't recall when exactly. The thing about this song is it always seems to get me psyched when it's raining or even when it's completely sunny outside.

This next one is a mixed bag for me;

Dire Straits - "Sultans of Swing"

Dire Straits was always one of those bands (for me) that had good songs, but as my good friend Bill Kenney reminded me, a lot of their success in the 80's was strictly commercial. The song "Money for Nothing" was THE commercial for MTV (back when they played music videos, I know it's hard to remember).

That being said, this song "Sultans of Swing" was a huge hit for me. It always reminds me of my dad, who has been a little on the country side.

Rupert Holmes - "Escape"

I've wrote about this song before over here. Despite what I said in it's lyrics, the song itself, and as a whole, is fantastic.

Hall and Oates - "Private Eyes"

Hall and Oates, as I know them, have been the butt of jokes for about 10 years now. I understand why, I mean the homoerotic tones these dudes give off is in itself hilarious. The music is generally bad, but this one is good enough.

Asia - "Heat of the Moment"

I remember these guys really from being a joke in South Park and in 40 year old virgin. They're still kind of a joke to me, but this song is good enough to really enjoy with the windows down in the summer.

Or while watching South Park.

Bryan Adams - "(Everything I Do) I Do it for You"

Due to Family Guy, everytime I here this little diddy, I start to sing in my best Stewie impression.

Mustard

Sitting in Ihop, there is a tray of condiments. Of course there are four varieties of syrup and the go-to salt and pepper shakers. There's ketchup, steak sauce, chalula, and tabasco.

And then there's mustard.

I love mustard, first of all, but I have a problem with its presence on my table at this moment. You see the ketchup bottle is plastic, the hot sauces are liquid, and yet the mustard in its clumpy spreadable glory is in a glass bottle. My childhood, as I'm sure yours was too, was full of slapping the sides of ketchup bottles. I thought we had moved past this. Why would they have a glass mustard bottle and a plastic ketchup bottle?

Now the symbol of the heinz ketchup bottle is iconic. It springs memories of home cooking and comfort. But how many people below the age of 30 have ever used a glass mustard bottle? No. Not the grey poupon jar, I'm talking about a full sized bottle. Bush league. I'm glad we've finally moved away from the glass bottle mustard and relish and mayo, but I can tolerate a glass ketchup bottle for the nostalgia factor.

Get it together ihop.
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

The Streak is Over

I remember it well, Winter of early 2008, I was sitting in my then-office at the Stadium eating a sausage mcgriddle..

Weeks later I realized it had been awhile since I had eaten anything from the D's.

Then it was months later.

And I knew, I was giving up McDonalds.

Well, it has been over two years, and Tuesday evening, as I was driving home from a community event with Uncle Slam, we stopped to grab a bite to eat. I ordered the 10 piece Chicken McNugget, a Dr. Pepper, and a Medium Fry. The Streak had ended.

The feeling of exuberance of eating those salty fries and dipping the joyous nuggets in BBQ sauce was only mired by the subtle guilt I felt for breaking the streak.

Then, two days later, I found myself slurping on a Shamrock Shake and pounding down fistfuls of french fries while fending off a Filet o' Fish.. That's right. Two visits in three days, while I had close to 900 days away from the stuff. I think I may be falling into a bad habit.

One of my favorite South Park moments

..because anytime butters can call someone a fag is awesome.



Butters: Uh, uhm no thanks. I love life.

Stan: Huh? But you just got dumped.

Butters: Well yeah, and I'm sad, but at the same time I'm really happy that something could make me feel that sad. It's like, it makes me feel alive, you know? It makes me feel human. And the only way I could feel this sad now is if I felt somethin' really good before. So I have to take the bad with the good, so I guess what I'm feelin' is like a, beautiful sadness. I guess that sounds stupid.

Goth Kid: Yeah.

Stan: No. No, Butters, that doesn't sound stupid at all.

Butters: Well, thanks for offering to let me in your clique, guys, but, to be honest, I'd rather be a crying little pussy than a faggy Goth kid.

Credit Card

Being a young sprightly 21 year old, I have a student checking account. I should have branched out and added a Credit Card a few years ago, but I didn't. Apparently building credit was never high on my priorities list. To be fair, growing up was never high on my priorities list either but, what can you do!

Needless to say, I'm going somewhere with this. I applied for a credit card recently, and got accepted after a quick (albeit limited) credit check. And what do you know, I get to design my own card! That's right I went with Capital One.

Now I would have preferred to go with someone, you know, cheaper as far as interest rates and "membership fees" go, but they accept applicants with a very limited credit history. I figured it was worth the chance.

So in designing my card, I decided to upload a picture I took, what do you think?

I think it came out nicely, too bad they spelled my name wrong.

When it actually comes in the mail, we'll see how it turned out. But I think I made the right choice as far as pictures go. Besides, their policy of "no lude or inappropriate images" hindered my options a bit. So long baby photo of me naked on a bear skin rug...

Why I hate Crosby

What kind of class is that? This is from the postseason in 2009. He's complaining to the ref about fans (home team fans, its not like they were in pittsburgh) throwing hats onto the ice after OV's hat trick. Hike your skirt up sidney and let the fans be fans.

Jabo0odyDubs

This is probably the funniest Billy Mays dub i've ever seen.

Check out there channel here. Jabo0dyDubs.

Find those errors

Last week I posted a link to my profile with the Nationals, here.

There are 4 mistakes, two grammatical, and two factual.

Can you spot them? No? Yea well here they are.



First circle; my birthday is 1/5/89
Second circle; "seeing" is spelled "eeing" and "Long walks on the beach, thunderstorms..." has a few unnecessary capital letters.
Third circle; my email address is right, but it takes you to a different person. astinson(at)potomacnationals(dot)com

Well that was fun wasn't it!

I'm back! and now for something completely different.

Ok so I wasn't a fan of tumblr. I liked the novelty at first but it just wasn't for me.

This is what will happen, I will continue to post on tumblr, but it will only be the stuff from here on blogger. That way I can still be active on both ends.

But this particular post will be blogger exclusive. So enjoy!

--

Have you ever really listened to "Escape" by Rupert Holmes? When you really think about it, it's a song about two people that are actively pursuing an affair!

Without posting the lyrics, the story is a guy is unhappy with his current relationship. He reads a personal ad in the paper and responds to it hoping to meet the woman of his dreams. When they finally meet, after three days of poetry in the newspaper classifieds, he discovers that his current girl (wife or girlfriend, it doesn't say) was the one in the paper.

Don't you think there's a problem with that? I'd be just a little bothered if my significant other was putting out personal ads in the paper. Regardless of how much she likes pina coladas and getting caught in the rain. Sure, maybe neither of us like yoga or health food, and we both enjoy champagne, but who doesn't like making love at midnight on the dunes of a cape?

One thing that always bugged me about this song is that its so upbeat for something so ..not upbeat. I don't know, maybe it's me, but why would he be so psyched about cheating on his "lady"? And what does he expect, a phenomenally attractive woman? Dude she took out a personal ad in the paper. She's gonna look less than a 717, a guarantee you.

Rupert Holmes wasn't a looker himself..

And I think the best part about this song, and don't get me wrong, I enjoy it, is that people always refer to it as The Pina Colada Song. I mean, who doesn't think of this song when they have a pina colada, or vice versa?

--

Well I'm back, and may I say mea culpa for ever leaving.

tumblr

if you haven't taken a look at my tumblr page yet, i've made the official transition.

The link is here.

I tried RSS feeding everything to here from there but blogger won't let me. bastards.

i liked it here mostly because the customization of the site is WAYY better than over there, but I like the dashboard and content mechanisms better over there than here.

sorry to all my exclusive blogger users, but if you still want to follow my blogging, you can do so at my twitter @bigtinypig.

You've been good to me blogger!

Kidz Bop

Oh where to begin..

Well let's start with the beginning of the story, as most stories normally start that way.

Kidz Bop is this pretentious little album that comes out every so often. It includes many "Top 20" hits of the year and is sung by kids. The target market here is mostly teenage girls and probably some younger boys. They have songs like Miley Cyrus and in the past they had Sugar Ray and N*Sync. I'm sure you've seen the commercials, but if you'd really love to refresh your memory, click here for the youtube link. But I will not be held responsible for your bleeding ears.

They have to know they're a joke... right?

My first complaint, as I'm sure you've realized I have a few, is that they spell it "Kidz Bop". No, not "Kids Bop" but "Kidz Bop". Now the "Z" was hip in the 90's but come on. They've released like 20 albums at this point and they've carried that stupid trend with them the whole time. Why? I'm serious, why? Stop it. It's enough.

Then I heard this little beauty on one of the commercials. That's right, "Party Like A Rock Star" by Shop Boyz (Another z on the end... god damnit). You'd imagine that they would have to change the lyrics to these songs to make them slightly less inappropriate for people who can't even buy the cd's without parental consent. But this is where my creative juices started flowing.. What if Kidz Bop intentionally released songs that were way too inappropriate for an 11 year old.

Imagine: Kidz Bop Dirrrty
With such hits as Ludacris - What's Your Fantasy?

I wanna, li-li-li-lick you from yo' head to yo' toes
And I wanna, move from the bed down to the down to the to the flo'
Then I wanna, ahh ahh - you make it so good I don't wanna leave
But I gotta, kn-kn-kn-know what-what's your fan-ta-ta-sy

Don't forget Snoop and Dre's sensual duo, The Next Episode

Hold up, hey
for my ni**as who be actin' too bold
Take a, seat
Hope you ready for the next episode
HeyyyeyyyeEYEYyyyEYYYY....
.... smoke weed everyday!

Then there's the timeless classic, Limp Bizkit - Rollin'

One two three time zoom to the 6
Jonesin for you picks of the Limp Bizkit mix
So where the f*ck you at punk?
Shut the f*ck up
And back the f*ck up
Before we f*ck this track up

And last but not least, my personal favorite, F*ck the Police, by N.W.A.

I don't know if they fa*s or what
Search a ni**a down and grabbin his nuts
And on the other hand, without a gun they can't get none
But don't let it be a black and a white one
Cuz they slam ya down to the street top
Black police showin out for the white cop

All for the Low Low Price of $19.95!

Then I got to thinking, "which would be funnier, an attempt at censoring these lyrics, or the actual profane lyrics with no cesor?"

...yea the dirty lyrics are better.

Frequent Stops

Ok so driving around the other day and the car in front of me has a big sign on the back reading "Frequent Stops".

And that's it.

Now normally, I'd have no problem with it. But then I got to thinking, as I always do, and I wondered what his definition of "frequent" was. I mean for me to get to work from school, I make approximately 15 stops at intersections and for stray ducks. Is that "frequent"?

I followed this guy for about 10 miles, not in a creepy way, he just happened to be in front of me for 10 miles, and he stopped zero times. So why the sign? I feel like having a sign on your car saying "Frequent Stops" means you must stop frequently.

And here's another problem, why doesn't the car have a sign saying why it stops frequently? I've seen other cars that say "Frequent Stops - Mail Delivery" and "Frequent Stops - Construction", so why did this car not have an explanation? What was he hiding?

Sketchy son of a gun.

Tv guide channel

Speaking of the on screen guide that pretty much everyone has used..

I was flipping around literally the other minute (and I say literally because I don't mean to exaggerate, this event actually took place between 60 and 120 seconds ago), and I see that there's a tv guide channel.

Now I haven't actively used the tv guide channel since I was 12 and I wanted to see what was on the spice network. So I was a little interested to see that this guide channel still existed. And as you know, I have the on screen guide, and the screen had the little tv guide logo. But, the title said, "punk'd".

I hit info.

Now my mind was a blowin when I flip to the channel, but first I hit the "I'm curious" button.

I hit info, and I see: punk'd - julia stiles, the rock, kaley cuoco. Comedy.

I'm thinking, "ok, they made a typo or something." People are trying to find what's on the spice network, and some jokester down at comcast is messing with my head.

Curiosity gets the best of me, and I switch over to tv guide channel. Now as you all know, the screen is split in half on this channel. The top half shows some c-listers talking about their latest film while the boxes scroll up on the lower half of the screen.

They were playing punk'd on the top half.

Now remember how my mind was blown? Yea well seeing the rock being yelled at by a fireman while a building is burning down and the other half of the screen is slowly scrolling up and telling me shit that I already f**king know blew my god damn mind.

But then as I sat there watching this screen, I began to think. Why would the tv guide channel exist on my tv when I have the on screen guide? The house that i live in subscribes to digital cable, nothing fancy just the single step above the regular cable. We don't pay for extras or anything.

We have all this, and the cable company knows this. So why did they throw punk'd and tv guide at me? I have the tv guide by hitting up down left and right. I don't need a designated channel.

I hope your mind was at least partially blown by all of this.
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

You Don't Mess with the Titles

As most people in today's day and age have experienced, Cable television has on-screen guides to tell you what is playing. I, as i'm sure you have, spent blocks of time just scrolling up and seeing what's on Food Network and Skinamax while never having to change away from Law & Order or Judging Amy!

But as I was scrolling this past week, I stumbled upon this on the display screen:

STARZ - 10:00 - "You"

...What the f**k is that? You? So I clicked "info" to see what was actually playing and you'll never guess what it was.

"You" Don't Mess with the Zohan.

First off, I understand they can't fit the whole title in there. These cable companies probably charge by letter or something. You make adjustments to fit the budget, and that's respectable.

But "you"? Come on. Zohan could have easily done the trick, and you'd know exactly what they're talking about.

In which you read something about me reading stuff.

I've never considered myself a busy reader, but I tend to go through a pile of books in a few months. It's the case of I don't read often, but when I do, it's a pretty good chunk of the book. My problem is that I read and say to myself, "ok just a few more pages then I'm done." Then, "the chapter ends in only 10 pages? I can knock that out." So it keeps going.

Today, I'm filling you in on the six books I bought while in Seattle.

Damn.

Well let's do this chronologically. The top left one was bought in a little shop on the 2nd basement level of Pike Place Market. I walked in the store and was greeted politely by the shop owner, a 30 something metro sexual. I then asked him to pick one book out of the entire store for me to read on my flight home. He excitedly asked me questions about who and what I liked to read, and found In a Sunburned Country by Bill Bryson. I'll let you know how all of these go of course, but for now I'll admit I have not opened it.

The very next day, I took a tour of Pioneer Square. There, the tour guides were hocking this title at us. Sons of the Profits It was written by a man named Bill Speidel. He started the underground tours of Pioneer Square back in the 60's, and he wrote this book as a History book for Seattle Schools. Given that the subject matter for the book is the sketchy business leaders that started the dirtiest city in the Northwest, the Schools banned it within three years. It then became a best seller.

Next, on the way back from Pioneer Square, I stopped in a shop in Downtown and picked up their only remaining Chuck Palahniuk book, Invisible Monsters. I got this strictly because it's Palahniuk. I've read a few of his books, and the others I've heard are all really good. I'm only a few chapters into this one, so we'll see. So far it's great.

The next two, Fight Club and High Fidelity (by Chuck Palahniuk and Nick Hornsby respectively) I have already read, but they deserved a purchase. You see I borrowed the books when I read them the first time, but I never got around to picking up my own copy. I picked these up after eating Pad Thai in Fremont on Sunday. While looking for my final book...

...this little number. Lewis Carroll's Alice's Adventures in Wonderland & Through the Looking Glass. I gotta say, I've never read these. I had always heard great things, I even used Lewis Carroll's poem "The Walrus and the Carpenter" in a paper I wrote 2 years ago. To finally read this is pretty exciting. I put a hurting on it during my flight back and the wait in the airport before take off. I tried explaining it and I really couldn't. But I'll try. The book is good because it's like finally getting to eat dessert. You've heard about it, you've waited for it, and when it finally comes, and you sink your teeth into it, it's as good as they told you. Also, the style of the writing is great because it's almost childlike in it's straightforwardness. Yet at the same time, it's very metaphorical. Alice is interesting character that I never really gave any thought about before actually reading the stories. I'd check this one out if I were you.

Well that about covers it. I hope you've enjoyed reading about me reading.

A bunch of pictures -- might be tough to view on a slow computer.

And I will be taking these pictures down by the end of the day (1/15) because I need to free up some space. I don't want to have all these pictures uploaded and then just have them chilling in the archives. Get your fill now before it's too late!

Emerald City Tour 2010 - Day 4 Recap

It's been an awesome 4 days. Tomorrow I leave, but not until 10 pm.

One more left.

Today, I went to Lake Union for a tour of Lake Union and Lake Washington. Then, I headed over to Fremont for some last minute shopping (I have bought six books since I got here!) and some Pad Thai. Finally, I swung by Kerry Park for a view of the city.

Emerald City Tour 2010 - "You Don't Know Me" Sunrise

Emerald City Tour 2010 - Beginning Day 4

Check back for at least one more video and another slideshow tonight.

Emerald City Tour 2010 - Day 3 Recap

Headed to Pioneer Sq for the Underground and some good shopping / view of the city. Ate some delicious food and watched the Worlds Strongest Man at the bar.

Today I'm taking a cruise of the lakes and I'm headed to Kerry park for some breathtaking views of the city.

Just one

If I had to choose one picture of this trip so far, it'd be this one.

-Click to Enlarge-

slideshow coming soon of Day 3.

Bigtinypig's Blog - Day 2

Emerald City Tour 2010 - Day 2 Recap

January 8, 2010

Emerald City Tour 2010 - Day 1 Recap

There'll be one of these everyday. And these are BY NO MEANS all of the pictures, just a quick collection of a few.
Here's a show of what I did on January 7th 2010.

Here's the scoop:

Flew from BWI to Chicago OHare to Seattle/Tacoma from 4:00 am check in (Eastern Time) to 10:20 am arrival (Pacific Time, 1:20 pm ET). Rented a practically new car for a 21 year old arm and leg. Checked into the hotel before 11:30 and headed down to Pike Place Market by 1:00. There, I saw hundreds of shops and I know I missed some. I'll go back soon. I got a tip from a merchant in a book store that the Art Museum on Union and 1st was open for free on the first Thursday of every month. Bingo. Got to see originals by Michelangelo and Calder, some American guy with a unique medium. Went back to the hotel to shower and change to get ready for dinner atop the Space Needle. Came back here and realized I had been awake for 23.5 hours straight!

Woke up this morning and I feel refreshed and breakfast is being delivered to me as I type this.

Check back for a recap of today sometime this evening. Today is the Stadium Tours.