The Men's Room, a series.

Upon request, i bring you:

Part One: The Handicap Stall

Let's first, before we get ahead of ourselves, discuss the public restroom. For men, there are four things in this room apart from himself; urinal, stall, sink, and (of course) the handicap stall. Each of these items serve a purpose, however one of them is more favorable than the others.

The Handicap stall is the palace of the men's room. There's more room to move around, there's a handle, there's even a bigger door.

When men go into the restroom with the intent of "taking their time," we check the handicap stall to see if there are feet sticking underneath the door. We see feet, and we die inside. Our feet wander to our second favorite stall, usually the one farthest from the palace, and quietly cry to ourselves.

While in the handicap stall, we know that our time to be proud of the area around us is now. A territorial instinct kicks in, and we cackle to ourselves when we see dejected feet turn and walk away from your stall, as they now search for a sub-par stall to call their own.

Have you ever felt the need to share with everyone that you just claimed the handicap stall? While shuffling through your contact list on your cell phone, do you wish to send a mass text to all of the guys letting them know that you, and only you, are the king of the handicap stall? Do you ever feel guilty that somewhere, somehow, there is a handicap gentleman who needs to use the restroom, yet you, and only you, have taken his rightful claim to the throne?

I don't feel bad.

Next time,
Part Two: Urinals